Life After Emilee Logo | Neal Klein honoring his wife after losing her to pancreatic cancer
Life After Emilee Logo | Neal Klein honoring his wife after losing her to pancreatic cancer
Life After Emilee Logo | Neal Klein honoring his wife after losing her to pancreatic cancer

One Day In Review, Part 1

1249am Inside My Brain, Part 1

A jumble of thoughts, conversations (my side) from a blog site, and various tangents and musings. A little scattered, but that was how it was on this day:

Thanks….I think the fairies outdid themselves today….this really put joy in my heart…I know Emilee would love it…I think she IS loving it…saying…how come I made her do all the design work for all these years…I guess it rubbed off on me…I think I heard her in my head today…helping out…and approving…I did a lot of work today…but I am happy…I am so tired…lol…I fell asleep at the computer before…the mouse fell on the floor and that’s what woke me up…a short several minute catnap…lol…sometimes I think I am a cartoon character…lol

Some compliments on the fairy garden (I put photos on facebook) in my backyard that I reconstituted from the mess after the winter (Em’s daughter and grandchildren helped create it last summer and Em was so joyful that it was a family project):

Thank you XXX for your compliment, but I had divine inspiration so I will not take full credit…I had voices in my head saying…try this, try that, keep trying combinations…how will I know? I kept asking…and the voice just said…you will feel it…it will feel good, feel right…and I said…okay…

“Wow nice job Neal Klein I am very impressed. Em would be so proud and happy…I mean she is…she can see you…she lives with the fairies in her garden.”(Christy, my florist friend)

I think so too. I was following the “got to keep moving it until it feels right” rule. Also, multi-levels always…follow multi-levels, moving around till it’s right. And now it’s at the point it feels pretty good. I could probably do a little bit more but I think I’m good and when my son’s plant holders get here (clearing throat) that will be a nice addition.

Note to XXXXX from XXXX blog site regarding singing at Smilow on Thursday

Today, at the hospital the little group of singers I sing with twice a month at Smilow cancer hospital….we went to the children’s floor and sang for three patients…OMG…a 2 year old…a seven year old and a 14 year old… might as well break my frickin’ heart…anyway…we sang and I loved performing for them.

I danced around and tried to engage them in what we did, asked their names and made a fuss over them…and I loved it…anything I can do to distract them for a little while from what they shouldn’t have to go thru…makes me want to write songs for them… so I am going to try my hand at that…god, we had to sing la la la instead of the lyrics for a couple of songs that were not appropriate to sing to sick children…like “puff the magic dragon”… who knew…..words about loss or dying…not cool.. but the whole thing made me want to do more for them.

The hibiscus tree is not doing well since the last week or more in the basement (I had brought it in for the winter, and it had recovered after cold exposure and losing most of its leaves), and bringing it outside did not help. It is looking worse and worse. Christie (a friend who is a florist) said be patient, but I think it is deteriorating. My aunt said maybe it is root bound, and that could very well be, in which case, what do I do? Plant it in the ground? Then it has only one more season to live.

That thought made me cry. One more season to live. Oh, how that struck so many chords inside me, and brought tears. Imagine, knowing you have only one more season to live. How much would I enjoy her, how much would I marvel at her beauty. How much would I gaze and ponder her leaves and her magical blooms. How many moments would I meditate on her colors and relish her?

Conjured up so much, so many feelings of Emilee. So many feelings of so many other people who know their time left in this reality is very limited, more limited than most of us. It is true that none of us knows when our final moment will be, but we usually figure it is more than the next season.

Really makes me think about using my time. Stop getting “flumbasted” (I so love creating words…word of the moment…means bogged down with distracting stuff, getting disorganized and losing focus, allowing entropy or chaos to take over…leading to confusion and loss of concentration), and get it together.

To XXXXXX from XXXX blog site, on her birthday:

wellllllll……. Em always would say she was turning 39 or was it 29?…. no matter what her real age was……. I wish you a long string of happy moments, a long deep grateful breath, and a smile in your heart that lasts and lasts…a hug or fifty nine, and a lot of love…you are a very beautiful person.

 

beautiful person, beautiful person

how loved are you

beautiful person beautiful person

the world is a sweeter place because of you

beautiful person beautiful person

you make my sun shine brighter

beautiful person beautiful person

I am so glad you are in my heart

NmK

I want to make that into a song, and I will.

Now, someone has written you a poem for your birthday…in French it is bon anniversaire….. or joyeaux anniversaire….and do not ask why I have been speaking French words yesterday and today…. the flowers in the garden seem to warrant a romance language…. something that sounded sweet and colorful…. and so does your birthday…enjoy

Neal Klein
Life After Emilee, on the loss of my wife to pancreatic cancer. I’m not accepting comments right now but please feel free to get in touch via my Contact page.

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