Life After Emilee Logo | Neal Klein honoring his wife after losing her to pancreatic cancer
Life After Emilee Logo | Neal Klein honoring his wife after losing her to pancreatic cancer
Life After Emilee Logo | Neal Klein honoring his wife after losing her to pancreatic cancer

Day 4 And 5, Bike Ride

Day 4

day 4 of my month…. 11.4 miles on the bike (nothing for a real biker, but I am far from that) and I made it back home… a big deal after my heart started asking some serious questions after the first serious climb….god you never realize the grades until you do the road on a bike….yeah….so my heart was asking….hey….you….lol….you sure about this….and i was like….ahuh… we have to get back to some serious conditioning… and it was like ok…the first hill is the hardest… i will keep up if you can get the legs to sustain…. and we were off and running…. thank you lungs for being part of the team…it was a team effort allll the way… needed everyone’s cooperation, and I told them all I will keep you guys hydrated…just keep the engines going…

jury is out on what i will feel like tomorrow… i took a walk and did some stretches… advil is NOT a bad idea either….

I love a strenuous workout…i forgot how much i love testing myself, it has been such a long time….. i absolutely love putting the machine through the paces… i feel alive…and the blood is pumping like crazy, the lungs are bellowing and sucking for oxygen at a pace i didn’t know i could breath, supplying oxygen to my heart and my legs and it is like the pistons are firing at their max…. well hopefully just sub max…

and if I could see inside the cells, i would see chemical processes like a coal fired locomotive, burning fuel, oxygen being consumed by muscles, chemical energy being produced converted to mechanical contractions of the muscles causing movement of the bicycle propelling me against gravity and air resistance…

it is a beautiful amazing miraculous process using human energy to create propulsion…generating body heat from the muscle energy being produced and sweat and adding to the carbon dioxide emissions in the air….lol….. oh my god…the stinky trucks that go by, wow, makes me appreciate all the cars that do not smell…..

some of my annuals have died already… always get sad at that… another loss, another exercise in letting go…i take care of them…and then they are gone… hurts a little…i know they are plants…doesn’t matter…still hurts…it touches that place of “loss”

and then…a male…don’t know the age yet… not too old i am sure…lost his life on a motorcycle about 4 houses down from mine… on Maple Ave. …lost control…somewhere around 7 pm…give or take…. sad….. some family members hysterical, the wailing cry of a bereaved person is haunting….strikes a nerve inside me… brought tears to my eyes… sudden loss of a life… here this morning, gone this evening… very rough stuff…doesn’t get much rougher than that….and no…there are NO comforting words for that…none…I can sense their anguish… it is yet another reminder…life is fragile and fleeting…

day to day we all forget that…we get caught up in the daily “stuff” and forget that each day is a gift… I have to keep asking myself…am I using my time wisely…sometimes I do ok, most of the time I can do better…so I am constantly saying that I will always have room for improvement… I am doing my best to be compassionate with myself when I falter, and encourage myself to always strive to be a better person….I wish solace for the families that are grieving for that young man

this is Neal Harvey…………………….good day!!!!

 

DAY 5 September 5, 2017

Day 5…. I am functional…shhhhhhh…don’t want to say this too loud…so far not too sore from biking, and thinking about taking a short ride now…

To those people that read my posts and then either give a “like” response or a heart, or make a comment, even a word or two, I just want to say thank you. I do not expect responses, I mean I do not write posts FOR that reason….

I write because I like to write, because I LOVE to write, because I feel like I am talking to Emilee and telling her what is going on, and because I like to share myself (and yes, part of me loves to entertain), put myself out here, and also not feel like I am so alone or isolated at times (and yes, ultimately, we are all alone, come into the world alone, leave alone, and although we may share much of our time here with someone, on some level, even then, we are still alone…)

Yet when I communicate with others, I feel connected on some level, and your acknowledgement that you read something I wrote, wellllll, it just feels good. I don’t have to have it, but it still feels good. So, I just want to thank you for taking the time to do that, and say that somehow the affirmation, although not needed for justifying who I am and what I do, still feels good.

I just want you to know I appreciate it, and it is not unnoticed, it makes me feel good (and if you are counting how many times I said that, as I am, let us just say I repeated myself almost ad nauseum…I sound like a broken record…oooh, records…what are those?), and that you also deserve acknowledgement for doing that, even if you do not always get it. Thank you.

Neal Harvey…….good day!

Neal Klein
Life After Emilee, on the loss of my wife to pancreatic cancer. I’m not accepting comments right now but please feel free to get in touch via my Contact page.

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