Anesthesia
Anesthesia
A song comes to mind
Bye bye love, hello loneliness,
I think
I am going to die, bye bye my love goodbye…
And so when I wake up when it’s all over
There is this crazy, subtle at first, but lingering high
That seems to last along with the drugs in my blood
As feelings seem to be quick to surface and flood
And my eyes can easily well up and over
If I converse or even think very long about anything emotional
I imagine the drugs weaken some of the filters and defenses
And for a while that heightens and possible alters many of my senses
And it is interesting to ride and observe as I ride on the wave
That rolls its way in time towards the shore
Where it flattens out and is no longer a wave anymore
Then there is a combination of peaceful water lapping shores edge
And a letdown somehow after being so close to some precipitous ledge
Feeling like I was on the verge of some piece of wisdom from Great Spirit
Feeling I wasn’t just riding a wave but I was the molecules in it
I was the wave for a teasing moment in time
I lost my self and the universe was mine
No not mine, I became as I once was
A part of it again, back in the womb
Not separate but whole again
Held, embraced
No longer alone
A part, a piece of everything
Feeling I belong
Feeling I matter
What I am and what I have inside matters
That I am special
Because I have something to give to creation of Spirit
Held in Spirit’s hands
Held once more
nmk