Anesthesia

Anesthesia

A song comes to mind

Bye bye love, hello loneliness,

I think

I am going to die, bye bye my love goodbye…

And so when I wake up when it’s all over

There is this crazy, subtle at first, but lingering high

That seems to last along with the drugs in my blood

As feelings seem to be quick to surface and flood

And my eyes can easily well up and over

If I converse or even think very long about anything emotional

I imagine the drugs weaken some of the filters and defenses

And for a while that heightens and possible alters many of my senses

And it is interesting to ride and observe as I ride on the wave

That rolls its way in time towards the shore

Where it flattens out and is no longer a wave anymore

Then there is a combination of peaceful water lapping shores edge

And a letdown somehow after being so close to some precipitous ledge

Feeling like I was on the verge of some piece of wisdom from Great Spirit

Feeling I wasn’t just riding a wave but I was the molecules in it

I was the wave for a teasing moment in time

I lost my self and the universe was mine

No not mine, I became as I once was

A part of it again, back in the womb

Not separate but whole again

Held, embraced

No longer alone

A part, a piece of everything

Feeling I belong

Feeling I matter

What I am and what I have inside matters

That I am special

Because I have something to give to creation of Spirit

Held in Spirit’s hands

Held once more

nmk