Life After Emilee Logo | Neal Klein honoring his wife after losing her to pancreatic cancer
Life After Emilee Logo | Neal Klein honoring his wife after losing her to pancreatic cancer
Life After Emilee Logo | Neal Klein honoring his wife after losing her to pancreatic cancer

About the Tree

About the Tree…

One of the things we have talked about in my meditation class is impermanence, how things change constantly. And attachment. How getting attached is human. The two seem to go hand-in-hand.

As long as I learn to accept impermanence, and learn to accept getting unattached, I won’t be an anxious wreck all the time.

Being able to accept Loss. Is that anything like having to share my crayons or colored pencils? Yes and no. And I am not always that good at sharing.

If there is nothing else I can rely on or be sure of, it is that things are always changing. The unexpected will always happen and life is unpredictable.

I will be working on this attachment / unattachment thing and loss, probably forever, or at least as long as I’m around on this plane of existence.

Most of us do not like change and it makes us uncomfortable and we don’t like to be uncomfortable. I don’t like to be uncomfortable.

I am however, through immersion in unpredictability when Em was sick for 19 months, slightly less uncomfortable with not knowing what may happen day to day. It was good training, but I don’t recommend learning it that way. Even though many of us are thrust into things and don’t have a choice.

So, here is the big big question. Why do I still have my Christmas tree up? If I’m really being honest in saying I’m okay with changing things why is my tree still up? I asked. I just laugh.

I love my tree. It was the first one I ever completely did myself. I may never be able to produce another such masterpiece, and I’m not willing to risk it. But the real reason? I really like it and I am not limiting myself to a few weeks of the year. I want it all year round. I don’t feel constrained by what’s the word, social norms?

When I feel like it I put the lights on. I don’t have them on all the time. I have the star on top of the tree on. It’s my night light in the living room. The tree is not in my way.

It has lots and lots of hearts on it. And so, there’s lots and lots of love that I look at everyday. I smile when I notice it.

And besides, there are some characters hanging on the tree that very vocally expressed their wish to remain out and part of the family and not get stuffed in a box.

And, since they belong to the same organization as the garden fairies they got together with the fairies and petitioned to leave the tree up and decorated.

I am very Union sympathetic, and I don’t want a walk out. And there might be one other reason.

Emilee had a habit of wanting to leave the tree up well into the springtime. I feel like it’s a small way that I have her around. Like a little bit of company. And I’m sure it makes her smile.

I am sure she would tell me I could change up the decorations every once in a while, and she was big on seasonal changes. Maybe I will consider that next year but for now I’m happy with it the way it is.

I’m still okay with change. Well, I’m better than I used to be anyway. Just don’t touch my tree.

Neal Harvey… Good day.

nmitchk@aol.com

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