Grief leaves you changed. It changes, but it never leaves you.
I like this poem. I retyped it below in case you have difficulty reading it in the picture. I like it because I feel this. Grief is not something that you “get over”. Yes, it morphs and may change over time, as the glass on the beach weathers and its edges are smoothed by water, wind, sand, time…but it is never done.
There will always be some moments that will kick it up, and I may get better at letting those moments go with practice (lots and lots of practice) and with more time, and they may be less close to the surface, but they do not go away. Like an old familiar ache. At times they remind, and make me feel deep feelings, and while I may not want to stay and will want to let that go, there is still something comforting in this sorrow, this ache, this joy, this neural snapshot nestled in the convolutions of my meninges (sorry, sometimes just get carried away….lol)… see grief and humor are often strange bedfellows…for me anyway. The point? lol….it does’t go away. The ache, like a wound, is not as acute, but the body memory is still there and it still gets stimulated sometimes, just isn’t as constant or as constantly intense…or else I would not be able to live or function. But we do not “get over” it. Ever. It is now a part of my being. And, I am a different being because of it.
I had my own notion of grief.
I thought it was the sad time
That followed the death of someone you love.
And you had to push through it
To get to the other side.
But I’m learning there is no other side.
There is no pushing through.
There is absorption.
And grief is not something you complete
But rather, you endure.
Grief is not a task to finish
And move on,
But an element of yourself –
An alteration of your being.
A new way of seeing.
A new dimension of self.
by Gwen Flowers
Life After Emilee, on the loss of my wife to pancreatic cancer. I’m not accepting comments right now but please feel free to get in touch via my Contact page (firstname.lastname@example.org)